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Sisterhood of the Traveling Spanx

November 14, 2012

My friends often joke that I’m a menopausal woman. I get hot flashes, I enjoy movies about menopausal women (shout out to It’s Complicated and Something’s Gotta Give), and  yes, I wear Spanx (though most of my friends do, too).

I actually didn’t know anything about Spanx until about two Christmases ago when I ripped a hole in my tights and scurried down the hall to my mom’s room to borrow a pair. I grabbed the first pair of black opaque tights I saw and trotted back to my room to get dressed for a friend’s Christmas party. As I went to put them on I couldn’t help but notice that  I was doing the same lunges and squats I do when sliding into a pair of skinny jeans fresh out of the dryer.

My first thought: “Shit! Am I too fat for tights!? Curse you cheese plate!” But when I finally got them up around my torso-region, I took one look in the mirror and thought: “Eureka! I’ve lost weight!?”

My butt was firm, my legs were smooth, and the skirt I planned to wear that night zipped up so easily I didn’t have to use my arm muscles like I was closing an overstuffed suitcase.

I couldn’t believe it. Had I just stumbled upon a pair of tights like the girls from Sisterhood of Traveling Pants?! Were these miracle tights?! The answer is, yes.

I know my menopausal ladies will agree with me when I say that Spanx tights are miracle workers and I am a proud wearer of them. I have yet to dabble in Spanx outside the tights world (though those body suits look mighty tempting), but it’s thanks to these tummy tucking, butt firming, lump smoothing sausage casings that I’m able to make it through the holidays with that extra serving of stuffing and cheese.

And there I go again sounding like a pre/post menopausal woman.  Whatever.

Smooth barracuda!

4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 14, 2012

    LOL! I wear Spanx too!

  2. Mary Frances permalink
    November 14, 2012

    Spanx tights are wonderful. Maybe top 10 most wonderful inventions in the history of the universe. Slight exaggeration? They are only improved upon by the fact that you can buy them in a reversible version. Reversible. That is real. Black on one side, brown on the other …. you’d never know it when you’re wearing them.

  3. Monica permalink
    November 14, 2012

    Dang! You got a butt on you! Lucky you! Mine is flat :(

    Lol! Hehe :)


  4. November 15, 2012

    It’s true! You look fantastic! Although I am skeptical of whether it’s really all the tights…

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