The Statement Piece
There’s a scene in the Sex and the City movie where Miranda and Carrie sit down to a cynical Valentine’s Day dinner and the waitress comes up to ask if they would like any wine. They both simultaneously reply, “Red.” When the waitress then inquires as to whether they would like a glass or a bottle, both Miranda and Carrie, again in unison, practically interrupt the waitress and say, “Bottle.”
While there have been many points in my life where I have related to each of the ladies of Sex and the City, this one struck me to the core. First of all, who orders a glass of wine on Valentine’s Day, especially when you’re single? Lock it up, waitress. Second of all, I’m very fortunate to have many friendships where we begin and end each others sentences, especially when it comes to wine. But what really hit home for me was how infuriating even the most simple interactions can be when you’re in a crappy mood and how easy it is to bark at a person who really has no role in how you are currently feeling.
Take me at the airport circa 2006. I arrived 52 minutes before my flight was set to depart and the woman at the check-in counter wouldn’t let me check my bag because I needed to be there at least an hour in advance. After a major fight with an ex-boyfriend while en route to the airport, I was in no mood to deal with missing my flight back to college because I was 8 minutes past the “appropriate” check in time. And so, as you can likely imagine, I lost my marbles and my temper and proceeded to growl at this innocent woman for a solid fifteen minutes. Deep down I knew this little temper tantrum was because of the fight I’d had with my boyfriend, but in the heat of the moment I was ready to take out every TSA member in sight.
Another situation similar to this was on an unfortunate Sunday afternoon when I’d had too much to drink the night before. I woke up knowing that the only thing to get me through at least part of the day was if I could consume a burrito on my couch while watching a Nancy Meyers rom-com. So, I threw on a pair of leggings and oversize sweater and began the two block treck to my favorite local burrito store, the sun blinding me like a mole just emerging from underground every step of the way. Once I got there I placed my usual order, “Grilled chicken, cheese, rice, black beans, salsa, and guacamole,” to which the cashier said, “It’s going to be a dollar fifty extra for the guacamole.” This is when I again, lost my cool. My head was pounding as if a hungry toddler was slamming her fists down on my brain, my mouth was salivating at the sight of the juices dripping from the scoop of beans being slathered onto my tortilla, and god dammit I know the guacamole is extra! Though my outburst was no where near as verbal as the one I’d had in the airport years earlier — I both blame and thank vodka for this — I interrupted the cashier just as Miranda and Carrie interrupted their waitress and said, “I KNOW.” I of course then got a strange and horrified look followed by a drawling, “Ooook” before I threw my ten dollar bill on the counter, grabbed my burrito, and stormed out.*
I recognize that both of these scenarios reflect badly on myself and were there chill pills for situations like these I guarantee I would have a prescription. But I also can’t help but wish there was some way to let those innocent humans who happen to cross our paths in the midst of one of our temper tantrums know that we’re having a…moment. So, when I came across this shirt that basically says everything that I needed to say that hungover Sunday, I couldn’t help but click purchase. Normally I hate slogan t-shirts — “Idaho, No Udaho” oh shut up! — but this guacamole shirt seems to not only speak for me but could also potentially prevent unnecessary grumpiness from diarrhea-ing out of my mouth on a not so bright and shiny day in the future.
This brings me to the final point of today’s post: while we often refer to statement pieces as articles of clothing that make us stand out amongst the rest, couldn’t they too be a piece that does the speaking for us when we’re just too temperamental to do so ourselves? Just think of how many fights could be avoided if women had underwear that read, “Not tonight honey, I’m on my period.”
*I’ve since taken to ordering from this burrito place on Seamless Web.