While it’s technically supposed to snow in New York tomorrow, daylight savings begins on Sunday, which means spring is just around the river bend (cue Pocahontas song). As I’ve mentioned many-a-time on here, I am a major advocate of self-tanner, especially at the start of a new skin-baring season. At the moment, my legs look like I am constantly wearing white tights, which is actually really blinding for people when I step out in the sunlight. Kind of like when Edward Cullen steps into the sun and sparkles in Twilight — except I am not a vampire, I don’t sparkle, and I don’t have the body of an emo boy. So really I guess you could just describe me as a beached beluga whale burning on the beach. Not pretty.

Now, I’ve had as many negative experiences with self tanners as I have with bikini waxes and the number one thing I’ve learned is that you just have to keep testing out new products (or people?) until you find one that works for you and your skin. For example, self tanner lotions tend to leave me looking like I have giraffe spots all over my skin. They also get congealed in my knuckles, ankles, and elbows. They also stink. Spray on tanners have a similar effect on my body, and given that I don’t have an outdoor space to do the “spray job,” the tanner ends up getting all over my floors.

So what’s a pale girl and her best friend Sunblock supposed to do to faux a tan? Kate Somerville tanning towels, that’s what. One towel is all you need for your entire body and it leaves little room for error. The key is to first exfoliate everything (this includes shaving your legs) and then open the towel up entirely and move in small circular motions from head-to-toe, paying close attention to the problem areas like knees, ankles, elbows, etc. Then just sit tight for 30-45 minutes before getting dressed. The tan progresses over the next day or so and can be best maintained with a daily application of a basic lotion. And for those of you wondering if it turns your skin orange like an Oompa Loompa, it doesn’t. Au naturel, baby!